you never give anything below your own taste level — something you wouldn’t want, but suppose is good enough for others. - Judith Martin

One of the major mistakes people make is that they think manners are only the expression of happy ideas. There’s a whole range of behavior that can be expressed in a mannerly way. That’s what civilization is all about — doing it in a mannerly and not an antagonistic way. One of the places we went wrong was the naturalistic, Rousseauean movement of the Sixties in which people said, ”Why can’t you just say what’s on your mind?” In civilization there have to be some restraints. If we followed every impulse, we’d be killing one another.

to lure friends by offering them hospitality — the defining characteristic of which is generosity — when one is collecting money for their presence and their buying power is a scam.

However, if you accept the actual invitation, no other appointment — unless with a surgeon or an undertaker — can take precedence.