Judith Martin Quotes

We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.

When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.

As if etiquette weren’t magnificently capable of being used to make others feel uncomfortable. All right. Miss Manners will give you an example, although you are spoiling her Queen Victoria mood: If you are rude to your ex-husband’s new wife at your daughter’s wedding, you will make her feel smug. Comfortable. If you are charming and polite, you will make her feel uncomfortable. Which do you want to do? On

It was generally believed that what people needed to get along was love and communication skills. Even business colleagues were thought to work better if they spoke their minds and really got to know one another personally, from which affection would follow — only not too much affection, because that might be illegal.

The rationale that etiquette should be eschewed because it fosters inequality does not ring true in a society that openly admits to a feverish interest in the comparative status-conveying qualities of sneakers. Manners are available to all, for free.

But sometimes one hears an Etiquette-Buster’s confession that rings true: “You make me feel guilty.” I’m not going to bother, this argument goes, so we need to lower the standard so I don’t look bad.

The numbers at a dinner should not be less than the Graces, nor more than the Muses,” stated the Roman formula, when guests lay three to a couch. If the Graces are busy, you could try the Fates, who are not asked out as often.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Miss Manners’ attitude is that it is better to bar the door to unwanted guests than to back them out through it.

than many that are of no perceptible use whatever.

you never give anything below your own taste level — something you wouldn’t want, but suppose is good enough for others.

One can become quite proficient at this amiable patter; the trick is to omit the instructive parts when attending formal dinner parties outside the house.

One reason that the task of inventing manners is so difficult is that etiquette is folk custom, and people have emotional ties to the forms of their youth. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges.

Lady” is not used before the lady’s first name unless she is the daughter of a duke, marquess or earl; those who come by the title through marriage use it before the husband’s name. Fortunately,

As dear Erasmus said, “It is part of the highest civility if, while never erring yourself, you ignore the errors of others.” Besides, it is a law of nature that he who corrects others will soon do something perfectly awful himself.