Judith Martin Quotes

Miss Manners remembers who should be introduced to whom, but then she also remembers the difference between “who” and “whom.” The formula is simple: One introduces inferiors to their superiors. Thus, gentlemen are introduced to ladies, young people to old, unranked ones to those of exalted stature and your own relatives to everyone else.

when all of life is a costume party, costume parties are no longer possible.

Dear Miss Manners: What should I say when I am introduced to a homosexual "couple?"
Gentle Reader: "How do you do?" "How do you do?"

One can become quite proficient at this amiable patter; the trick is to omit the instructive parts when attending formal dinner parties outside the house.

Dear Miss Manners: What about Easter? I suppose you have etiquette rules that apply to Easter Day?
Gentle Reader: Certainly, and when the Day of Judgment comes, Miss Manners will have etiquette rules to apply to that, as well.

Nothing is as inimical to passion as the slow, sensible weighing of practicalities.

When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.

One reason that the task of inventing manners is so difficult is that etiquette is folk custom, and people have emotional ties to the forms of their youth. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges.

than many that are of no perceptible use whatever.

But sometimes one hears an Etiquette-Buster’s confession that rings true: “You make me feel guilty.” I’m not going to bother, this argument goes, so we need to lower the standard so I don’t look bad.

Americans used to pity and be amused at countries where the citizens all wore drab work clothes and the leaders were belligerently under-dressed for state occasions; now those people have discovered fashion, and we wear drab work clothes and are suspicious of formality.

Humility is easy, although Miss Manners much admires brilliant humility. The usual variety, with its claims about feeling awed and hoping to be worthy, is tiresome. But it is extremely difficult to make others acquainted with how very much one has to be humble about. No, that’s not quite what Miss Manners meant to say. What is difficult is to establish gracefully that one has cause to be proud and haughty, before one can be contrastingly humble.

the standing ovation from a rare and valued tribute

Any attempt to explain that they are undecided, rather than declining, should be brushed aside with the explanation that although you need to plan now, you understand that they are not in a position to accept and you wouldn’t dream of pushing them.

The polite thing would be to say to the noisy person, “I beg your pardon, but I can’t hear the music. I wonder if you would mind talking more softly?” By the time you have said all this, a third party will utter a loud shush, thereby accomplishing your purpose without sacrificing your manners.