Judith Martin Quotes

Making Others Feel Comfortable.

Miss Manners’ meager arsenal consists only of the withering look, the insistent and repeated request, the cold voice, the report up the chain of command and the tilted nose. They generally work.

She only maintains that it is possible, under some circumstances, for a lady to murder her husband; but that a woman who wears ankle-strap shoes and smokes on the street corner, though she may be a joy to all who know her and have devoted her life to charity, could never qualify as a lady.

As if etiquette weren’t magnificently capable of being used to make others feel uncomfortable. All right. Miss Manners will give you an example, although you are spoiling her Queen Victoria mood: If you are rude to your ex-husband’s new wife at your daughter’s wedding, you will make her feel smug. Comfortable. If you are charming and polite, you will make her feel uncomfortable. Which do you want to do? On

It is a general rule to err on the side of formality rather than of intimacy.

writing pad that bears the logo of public accommodations.

Nowadays, we never allow ourselves the convenience of being temporarily unavailable, even to strangers. With telephone and beeper, people subject themselves to being instantly accessible to everyone at all times, and it is the person who refuses to be on call, rather than the importunate caller, who is considered rude.

Civilized life begins with a boiled egg sitting upright in an egg cup.

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

How do you do?” depending on the formality of the occasion, and whether you can count on the other person to understand that the answer to “How do you do?” is “How do you do?” even though that makes two questions in a row. (Etiquette opposes any declaration of being pleased to meet someone on the cynical grounds that it may not turn out to be a pleasure.) The

One can become quite proficient at this amiable patter; the trick is to omit the instructive parts when attending formal dinner parties outside the house. It would be a mistake for Miss Manners to provide you with a list of no-no’s. It may never have occurred to your children to laugh with a mouthful of soup, for instance, or to discharge unappreciated salad ingredients into the napkin. Here, instead, are a few yes-yes’s: Small

If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.”

Eating grapes with a knife and fork is not what one would call refined. It is what one would call ludicrous.

As dear Erasmus said, “It is part of the highest civility if, while never erring yourself, you ignore the errors of others.” Besides, it is a law of nature that he who corrects others will soon do something perfectly awful himself.

We’re talking tradition here, for heaven’s sake. Not literary analysis. Do you consider “Good morning” to be a weather report?