Judith Martin Quotes

"DEAR MISS MANNERS:
Should you tell your mother something if it is important when she is talking to company? I am six.

GENTLE READER:
Yes, you should (after saying "Excuse me"). Here are some of the things that are important to tell your mother, even though she is talking to company:
"Mommy, the kitchen is full of smoke."
"Daddy's calling from Tokyo."
"Kristen fell out of her crib and I can't put her back."
"There's a policeman at the door and he says he wants to talk to you."
"I was just reaching for my ball, and the goldfish bowl fell over."
Now, here are some things that are not important, so they can wait until your mother's company has gone home:
"Mommy, I'm tired of playing blocks. What do I do now?"
"The ice-cream truck is coming down the street."
"Can I give Kristen the rest of my applesauce?"
"I can't find my crayons."
"When are we going to have lunch? I'm hungry.

The reason for not announcing a new job until it is time to give proper notice of leaving the old one is always that it had not yet become “definite.

Miss Manners’ attitude is that it is better to bar the door to unwanted guests than to back them out through it.

Why, you look marvelous! I don’t know what it is, but you look fabulous.” D

Relax!” “Don’t go to so much trouble!” “Why don’t you use plastic glasses?” “Take off your jacket!” “Why don’t you use paper napkins?” “Don’t be so formal!” “Sit down!” “Why don’t you use paper plates?” “You don’t have to impress us!” Guests who make such remarks to their hosts must fondly imagine the effect they produce: “Whew,” the host must think. “I don’t have to strain myself pretending to be something I’m not. These people love me just as I am, without all this fancy stuff.” Or maybe not. Miss Manners is afraid that the effect might be more like this: “Try and do something nice for people, and look what you get. They come into my house, call me pretentious to my face, criticize my stuff, complain about the way I do things, bark orders at me and try to foist their own slobby standards on me. How would they like it if I came to their houses and suggested that they try a little harder?” Yet

If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.”

We are all born rude. No infant has ever appeared yet with the grace to understand how inconsiderate it is to disturb others in the middle of the night.

It reminds her of those dreadful sorts who used to go around announcing “I’m a people person,” as though one had another choice.

Miss Manners’ meager arsenal consists only of the withering look, the insistent and repeated request, the cold voice, the report up the chain of command and the tilted nose. They generally work.

When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.

If you can't be kind, at least be vague.

It is a general rule to err on the side of formality rather than of intimacy.

It is wrong to wear diamonds before luncheon, except on one’s marriage rings. Before, after, and during breakfast, luncheon and dinner, it is vulgar to wear a mixture of colored precious stones. It is always a comfort to know that so many things one can’t afford to do anyway are vulgar.

the life preserver to be tossed is: “I don’t think you realize how that sounds. I can’t imagine that you really believe that, but in any case, let’s talk about something else.

Anyone who could remember the heyday of the cocktail party probably doesn’t.