Judith Martin Quotes

A small wedding is not necessarily one to which very few people are invited. It is one to which the person you are addressing is not invited.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Miss Manners fails to understand why philanthropists would turn from the needy to the greedy, but she is not in the business of laundering rudeness to make it seem acceptable.

Charming villains have always had a decided social advantage over well-meaning people who chew with their mouths open.

you must take inedibles out the way you put them in.

…women were brought up to have only one set of manners. A woman was either a lady or she wasn't, and we all know what the latter meant. Not even momentary lapses were allowed; there is no female equivalent of the boys-will-be-boys concept.

She expects you to keep your eyes still while you say to the conductor, “Of course, I’d be glad to, but I especially wanted to sit by the window. Would you be good enough to find me another window seat? And then we could change.

We’re talking tradition here, for heaven’s sake. Not literary analysis. Do you consider “Good morning” to be a weather report?

HIDEOUS PRESENTS DONATED BY ADULTS These should be displayed and cherished in proportion to the sacredness of the bond between giver and receiver, divided by the number of miles they live apart.

As successful people are afraid of being used, unsuccessful people are afraid of being snubbed, interesting people want to talk about something different from their jobs and boring people won’t stop talking about their jobs,

Getting children to say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you,’ directly and in writing, is one of the chief tasks of child-rearing. It is a simple matter, requiring about ten years of contant vigilance, but those who give up on it might as well — and generally do — concede failure on the entire enterprise of civilizing their young.

However, if you accept the actual invitation, no other appointment — unless with a surgeon or an undertaker — can take precedence.

the chair is the correct place for you to leave your napkin if you get up in midmeal; it is at the end of the meal that it is left to the side of the plate.

Anyone who could remember the heyday of the cocktail party probably doesn’t.

It reminds her of those dreadful sorts who used to go around announcing “I’m a people person,” as though one had another choice.