Judith Martin Quotes

When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.

In general desirability, a child-free environment is considered somewhere between smoke-free and germ-free.

Miss Manners has always believed that people who do not acknowledge presents are annoyed at receiving them, and she respects that preference.

Anyone who could remember the heyday of the cocktail party probably doesn’t.

Miss Manners remembers who should be introduced to whom, but then she also remembers the difference between “who” and “whom.” The formula is simple: One introduces inferiors to their superiors. Thus, gentlemen are introduced to ladies, young people to old, unranked ones to those of exalted stature and your own relatives to everyone else.

when all of life is a costume party, costume parties are no longer possible.

The numbers at a dinner should not be less than the Graces, nor more than the Muses,” stated the Roman formula, when guests lay three to a couch. If the Graces are busy, you could try the Fates, who are not asked out as often.

The customs of courtship vary in time, place and class. But they are always based on the desire to secure the affections of a person one believes to be too perfect to be reasonably attainable, not a person whose most conspicuous characteristic is convenience.

Civilized life begins with a boiled egg sitting upright in an egg cup.

There is no known correct way to eat pistachio nuts. Nevertheless, they are delicious. The pistachio nut must therefore be Nature’s way of teaching us self-control. If so, it doesn’t work.

new method of taxing people with their faults has not only retained but magnified its own faults. It tells only one side of the story, and a far from disinterested one. Checking it out is difficult, but passing it on is easy.

As if etiquette weren’t magnificently capable of being used to make others feel uncomfortable. All right. Miss Manners will give you an example, although you are spoiling her Queen Victoria mood: If you are rude to your ex-husband’s new wife at your daughter’s wedding, you will make her feel smug. Comfortable. If you are charming and polite, you will make her feel uncomfortable. Which do you want to do? On

The polite thing would be to say to the noisy person, “I beg your pardon, but I can’t hear the music. I wonder if you would mind talking more softly?” By the time you have said all this, a third party will utter a loud shush, thereby accomplishing your purpose without sacrificing your manners.

Dear Miss Manners: What is the proper way to eat potato chips?
Gentle Reader: With a knife and fork. A fruit knife and an oyster fork, to be specific. Good heavens, what is the world coming to? Miss Manners does not mind explaining the finer points of gracious living, but she feels that anyone without the sense to pick up a potato chip and stuff it in their face should probably not be running around loose on the streets.

the standing ovation from a rare and valued tribute