Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am. - David Sedaris

I would clear the table and Hugh would do the dishes, neither of us speaking and both of us wondering if this just might be the one to do it. 'I hear you guys broke up over a plastic hand,' people would say, and my rage would renew itself.

Dad on friendship: "Sure, some people are nice. Real nice. Nice like carpets so you can walk all over them."

"Hugh returned from his trip, and days later I still sounded like a Red Chinese asking questions about the democratic hinterlands. "And you actually saw people smoking in restuarants? Really! And offices, too? Oh, tell me again about the ashtrays in the hospital waiting room, and don't leave anything out.