She cannot move you, because you already are what you are, with or without her. - David Deida

Unadorned suffering is the bedmate of masculine growth. Only by staying intimate with your personal suffering can you feel through it to its source.

However, when you know your true purpose, which is your core desire in life, each moment can become a full expression of your core desire. Every instant of career, every instant of intimacy, is filled with the power of your heart purpose. You are no longer just going through the motions at work and with your woman, but you are living the truth of your life, and giving the gifts of your love, moment by moment. Such a life is complete unto itself in every instant.

You are only punishing yourself when you want to be in a relationship with a woman more than she wants to be a in a relationship with you.