your fundamental nature is pure, conscious, peaceful, radiant, loving, and wise, and it is joined in mysterious ways with the ultimate underpinnings … - Rick Hanson

Things go much better if you slow them down. Give yourself — and the other person — the gift of time: time to take a breath or two, figure out what the other person is really saying, allow the first waves of fight-or-flight reactions to pass through your body, and recognize and restrain impulsive words and actions that you’ll regret later. Those extra seconds before you speak help others feel less like they’re on the receiving end of a rat-a-tat-tat barrage of words and emotional intensity. And the extra seconds give them time to reflect and be less hijacked themselves.

In effect, the negativity bias is tilted toward immediate survival, but against quality of life,

First darts are unpleasant to be sure. But then we add our reactions to them. These reactions are “second darts” — the ones we throw ourselves. Most of our suffering comes from second darts.