Last year in Florida, at Sea World Florida, an animal trainer was killed by a killer whale...HUH. Turns out, there's a reason they didn't name them "… - Ron White

I'm 61 years old now, and I know two things to be true. One: anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint if you crash your car into it. And you can't unfuck the housekeeper.

They evacuated everybody from the (Florida) Keys and everybody leaves except for one guy who’s gonna stay there and tie himself to a tree on the beach, to prove a point; and the point was, he said, that at 53 years of age, he was in good enough physical condition to withstand the wind and the rain of a force 3 hurricane. OK, let me explain something to ya: it isn’t that the wind is blowin’. It’s what the wind is blowin’. If you get hit with a Volvo, it doesn’t really matter how many sit-ups you did that morning. If you have a "Yield" sign in your spleen, joggin' don't really come into play. "I can run 25 miles without stopping." "You're bleedin'." "Shit!"

I'm a dog lover. Actually, I love my dog, I don't give a shit about your dog. I don't know your dog. Your dog could be an asshole, I don't know.