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" "I'm not sure there can be loving without commitment, although commitment takes all kinds and forms, and there can be commitment for the moment as well as commitment for all time. The kind that is essential for loving marriages-- and love affairs, as well-- is a commitment to preserving the essential quality of your partner's soul, adding to them rather than taking away.
Merle Shain (1935–1989) was a Canadian journalist and author. She worked as a feature writer for the 'Toronto Telegram,' as associate editor of 'Chatelaine' [magazine], and as a columnist for the 'Toronto Sun'. She was a host of the CTV Network program, 'W5', and served for four years as a member of the board of the National Film Board of Canada. Her books include Some men are more perfect than others, (1973), When lovers are friends (1978), Hearts That We Broke Long Ago (1983) and Courage my love (1988).
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If I had to choose between having someone physically faithful to me or having him committed to my preservation, I would opt for the latter because there is no doubt in my mind when I see couples at parties selling each other out which is the worst offense. Physical fidelity is a lovely thing if someone feels that way about you willingly, but relatively meaningless of you exact it for a price. And while it is easy enough to be faithful for the first five or ten years, it is more difficult by twice each year after that, so women as well as men are finding it hard to do.
I've learned not to ask for everything, just to make sure that I get what I must have. It doesn't matter who else gets what-- it only matters if you're deprived. Really splendid men understand that and find ways to manage their lives to they never give away anything that is their wife's. And if there are times when they need more than one woman in their life, they give back what they get to both. Being faithful means not costing people you love more than they can afford to pay. The best men are committed to their partners as much as to themselves.