You can send yourself crazy wondering. But it all happened, and here I am. There’s really no point in asking what if? The only question worth asking … - Elton John

There’s really no point in asking what if? The only question worth asking is: what’s next?

Then, somehow, P. J. Proby became embroiled in the conversation. I’d love to be able to tell you what the trouser-splitting, ponytail-wearing enfant terrible of mid-sixties pop had to say regarding my impending wedding, its potential cancellation and, indeed, whether or not I was a homosexual, but by then I was incredibly pissed, and the exact details are a little hazy, although at some point I must have given in and conceded that John was right, at least about the marriage.

But oh how it feels so real,
Lying here with no one near.
Only you and you can't hear me
When I say softly, slowly. Hold me closer tiny dancer,
Count the headlights on the highway.
Lay me down in sheets of linen,
You had a busy day today.

And that was the moment my mother turned up, in character as a raving sociopath.