"They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should have seen their underwear. Disgusting." - David Sedaris

Use the word “y’all,” and before you knew it, you’d find yourself in a haystack French-kissing an underage goat. Along with grits and hush puppies, the abbreviated form of you all was a dangerous step on an insidious path leading straight to the doors of the Baptist church.

It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.

Well, that's a hell of a reason to poison yourself.