"He wanted a home. He wanted a family. He wanted to have friends. But none of those things were realistic. At least not until he came to Mineral Well… - Neil Patrick Harris

You come in weighing a very average, very sexy seven pounds, seven ounces. As it happens, that is also the exact weight of an Emmy Award. Coincidence? Yes … but true fact? No.

"Ted: Barney, the 3 days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?
Barney: Jesus.
Marshall: Barney, don't do this, not with Jesus.
Barney: Seriously, Jesus started the whole wait-three-days thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect.
Barney: If he'd have only waited one day, a lotta people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all "Hey, Jesus. What up?" And Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday."
Barney: Then they'd be all, "Uh, look pretty alive to me dude." And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then the dude would be like "Ah, oh-kay, whatever you say "bro"."
Robin: Wow, ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Barney: And you're not gonna come back on a Saturday, everybody's busy! Doin' chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' their beards. No, he waits the exact, right number of days - three.
Ted: Ok, I promise, I'll wait 3 days. Just please stop talking.
Barney: Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there - "Oh no, Jesus is dead."
Barney: Then BAM! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched and FYI, that's when he invented the high-five.
Barney: Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story."

Welcome to the Oscars on this beautiful night! We’re here to honor movies and we’re doing it right! But before we continue I’ve got something to say: I’m Neil Patrick Harris and I’m gay!