Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs. - Jeremy Hardy

You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.

On Vince Cable: But he's charming and northern; he's the man tasked with crushing the poor in their own accent, isn't he really?

All socialists have bad backs because we slouch — except when we’re watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.