An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictiti… - Russell Baker

The biographer's problem is that he never knows enough. The autobiographer's problem is that he knows too much.

The Government cannot afford to have a country made up entirely of rich people, because rich people pay so little tax that the Government would quickly go bankrupt. This is why Government men always tell us that labor is man's noblest calling. Government needs labor to pay its upkeep.

Listen here, Buddy, the dead don't come back. You never have to worry about the dead hurting you. It's the living you've got to worry about in this world. (Lucy Baker, Russell Baker's mother, to Russell).