Give no answer to contentious arguments or irresponsible accusations. Let such things "fly out open windows" until they spend themselves. - Stephen Covey

The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. And if our words and our actions come from superficial human relations techniques (the Personality Ethic) rather than from our own inner core (the Character Ethic), others will sense that duplicity.

As long as you think the problem is out there, that very thought is the problem

Effective people lead their lives and manage their relationships around principles; ineffective people attempt to manage their time around priorities and their tasks around goals. Think effectiveness with people; efficiency with things.