A beautiful 35-year old ain't as good-looking as an ugly 19-year old. - Patrice O'Neal

Women want us to like them, but they don't even like each other.

Men want to be alone, but we don't wanna be by ourselves.

(after host Anthony Cumia complained that a black, female bartender once refused to give him an extra drink, even after he had tipped her $20) Let me tell you, black people are very sensitive about context. (You meant), "Sweetie, no disrespect, here's a twenty," but (she took it as), "Here, fat nigga-lean, take this twenty and you will be giving me my beers, all day, at my request, you fat fuck." She smelled it on you, so she said, "Take your twenty and shove it up your ass, cracker devil."