My lawyer ate my vanity card. - Chuck Lorre

Scrabble fans might be troubled to see 3 Y tiles in tonight's episode. Fear not. The "Super Scrabble" version of the game actually comes with 4 Y tiles. Disaster averted.

In no particular order, I could not or would not exist without air, food, water, gravity, tides, the moon, the sun, night, civilization, the laws of physics, the laws of thermodynamics, the law of the land, ancestors having sex, DNA, viruses, bacteria, plants, animals, oceans, ice caps, the kindness of strangers, the Big Bang, familial bonds, smart people, brave people, memory, medicine, the periodic table of elements, tribal instincts, magnetic fields, weather, Earth's molten core, a rotating Earth, a tilted Earth, tectonic plates, sleep, death, heat, consciousness, evolution, teachers and the miraculous, self-regulating chemical factory that is my body. Other than that, I like to think of myself as a self-made man.

To the crew of LAFD Fire Truck 14, You saved my home. You made a snap decision to stop a rampaging fire that had already destroyed my neighbor's house. In doing so, you spared me incredible heartache. There are no words that can adequately express my gratitude. Maybe I can buy all you guys a nice dinner and you can watch a grown man cry tears of joy over his chicken parm, let me know.