…everyone called him Itch except his mother, whose bright idea it had been to name him Itchingham in the first place. - Simon Mayo

I'm sure 'I used it all, just to be on the safe side' is not the greatest piece of scientific advice out there!

He turned and smiled at his class. "Morning boys, let's begin." His homeroom class had given up pointing out that they were more than fifty percent girls and just accepted that by "boys" he meant everyone. Mr. Watkins had come from an all-boys school in Edinburgh five years earlier and he was clearly not about to change the way he addressed his students.

There should be a law against parents using sarcasm, thought Itch.