There should be a law against parents using sarcasm, thought Itch. - Simon Mayo

He turned and smiled at his class. "Morning boys, let's begin." His homeroom class had given up pointing out that they were more than fifty percent girls and just accepted that by "boys" he meant everyone. Mr. Watkins had come from an all-boys school in Edinburgh five years earlier and he was clearly not about to change the way he addressed his students.

Ms. Glenacre was, it seemed, approaching her hundredth birthday and had never had a nice thought about anybody in her life.

…everyone called him Itch except his mother, whose bright idea it had been to name him Itchingham in the first place.