At the age of five I had become a skeptic and began to sense that any happiness that came my way might be the prelude to some grim cosmic joke. - Russell Baker

​So far as I could make out, what writers did couldn't even be classified as work.

Voters inclined to loathe and fear elite Ivy League schools rarely make fine distinctions between Yale and Harvard. All they know is that both are full of rich, fancy, stuck-up and possibly dangerous intellectuals who never sit down to supper in their undershirt no matter how hot the weather gets.

The biographer's problem is that he never knows enough. The autobiographer's problem is that he knows too much.