Fishing is a jerk at one end of a line waiting for a jerk at the other end of a line. - Peter Corey

Life with a Jolly Parent is a bit like life in a holiday camp. The beds are too small and there's an outbreak of Salmonella every five minutes.

It's easy to forget you are in debt to the tune of £10, and to a woman who never forgets anything. Crikey, she can even tell you which Coronation Street character was the first one to have their brain removed (Footnote: And not have it replaced by acting talent unfortunately.)

Flash Teacher: How to spot: He'll be the only member of staff who drives a customized Lada.