Karl Pilkington Quotes

On homosexuals- I'm still none the wiser as to why they do that - Video Podcast|Video Podcast 5

Yeah but everyone was a saint years ago, that seemed to be thrown about back then. Who's a saint now, in this year, who's a saint? And yet this guy, lived in a hut in the woods, 'oh yeah that's Saint John or whatever.' He wasn't a saint, he did nothin [Karl arguing with Steve and Ricky about Russian artifacts containing a portrait of a Russian Saint]

I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'. - Karl tells Ricky his response to being poisoned by an octopus.

I've never understood what pole dancing's about anyway. It's a waste of a good skill. Get into scaffolding or something.

You know that guy Richard Blackwood? He went in for a colonic, live TV. Never seen again.

They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?

It is hard eating a little kangaroo knob.

Why is it alright to be going around, going mental with a gun, shooting all the monkeys and killing them? Because one day we're going to run out.

Treat the world like a head

I've got a fat head. There's nothing I can do about it.

Say if I was in charge and someone said that buildin' needs knockin' down, it's dangerous, if we didn't have a calendar we'd go 'erm let's do it now then.' Whereas cos we've got a calendar it's easy to say...'next Wednesday'

It was good to know that if everything did go tits up, there's someone else in the world who would put up with me

The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now.

So I was watchin David Attenborough.. he makes his money out of flies and that dun' he

Is there anyone else that you look like, Steve, or would you say you're a bit of a one-off?