Karl Pilkington Quotes

If anythin', like I said, he didn't do us a favour, he saved too much. You can't move out there for stuff (Referring to Noah saving every animal)

If you had 5 photos of anuses, I could not point mine out

I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book'

Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.

I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'. - Karl tells Ricky his response to being poisoned by an octopus.

Now Hilda, she was your bog standard old woman.

If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?

We're just a weed in the universe

So I was watchin David Attenborough.. he makes his money out of flies and that dun' he

Karl's diary - Woke up at 9.55am. Soon as I woke up, I looked at Suzanne and she looked at me. I said, Did I tell you about the immune system? Suzanne starting laughing, I said it's amazing. She said, Not now.

Yeah, we'll do that, Lanky.

I've got a fat head. There's nothing I can do about it.

On octopuses - When you see 'em in films, they're running about an' that and everyone likes an octopus.

On seeing an ultrasound picture- It was an awkward situation because she was happy with it. I was like 'Oh God'. It was an odd looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a diss.

[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water.