Karl Pilkington Quotes

Is there anyone else that you look like, Steve, or would you say you're a bit of a one-off?

This isn't Amazon where you can go "I'm not happy with the product" and pop it back in the post. Thats it, you've got it

The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching.

A dog has got human eyes.

I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is: they've got wings but they walk a lot

Well I'm trying to think what I put in... I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer.

Just been into the zoo, 'avin a look round an that. Went into the, er, into the aquarium. Mental, the amount of fish that are knockin' about

Just sort of wander about and that, and just not get seen [What he would do with the power of invisibility]

I'm just sayin', I don't like fun

On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe.

My auntie Nora right, all her food is mashed. She's got teeth but she don't need 'em [Karl on how his auntie blends her food and never uses her teeth]

It’s just hassle of having friends and family an’ that.

By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.

You build up to it, don't you? You have that bit of a chat, and you go alright? Hows it going?. You get on an' that and then a little baby pops out.

I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book'