Karl Pilkington Quotes

Well...like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again...

On identical twins - You always get a little snidey one.

It serves a purpose.

Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.

I was at some night once, right. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes. It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off. The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it... Bucks Fizz. So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for.

The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.

A stitch in five saves fifteen or whatever - Another re-evaluation by Karl of the phrase 'A stitch in time saves nine'

As long as you're rememberin' baby Jesus, does it matter when you're rememberin' 'im[Karl on how he hates Christmas being the same date each year]

It was good to know that if everything did go tits up, there's someone else in the world who would put up with me

I've never understood what pole dancing's about anyway. It's a waste of a good skill. Get into scaffolding or something.

[Ricky asks what else he would do with the power of invisibility]Dunno, you could sort of go in shops when they're shut, just get in before they lock up.

Karl: I came up with a good idea....see through skin

We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about

On homosexuals- They're more up for a bit more experimentation an' that -Podcast Series 1 Episode 2

It's just easier to put stuff off once we've got this calendar, whereas if we didnt have a date you'd have to do everythin' straight away