In this age of cynicism, bipartisanship and personal cowardice, it's refreshing to find a group of people willing to die for what they believe. - Patton Oswalt

The angry "@" tweets from my hammer toed followers opened my eyes. "Pedo-phobe" shaming hurts us all. I am a PROUD pedophile!

Hey Patton, looks like Paris Hilton's writing a book. And I go, "She's a cunt who should die of AIDS." They go, (nervously) "Ah ha ha, okay! Hey! All right... um, okay, follow-up question. She's also coming out with a line of handbags," "As long as she gets AIDS, that's fine with me, man. If she could get cancer of the AIDS of the leukemia of the eyes, that'd be awesome. If like, a biker could fuck that into her skull..."

I was thinking the other day about a time machine... and the first thing I thought of doing if I actually had a time machine, is that I would go back in time to about 1993 or '94, and kill George Lucas with a shovel.