I regret it when I suppress my feelings too long and they burst forth in ways that are distorted or attacking or hurtful. - Carl Rogers

How can I create a helping relationship?

1) Can I be in some way that will be perceived by the other as trustworthy, dependable or consistent in some deep sense?
2) Can I be expressive enough as a person, that what I am will be communicated unambiguously?
3) Can I let myself experience positive emotions towards this person-attitudes of warmth, caring, liking, interest and respect?
4) Can I be strong enough as a person to be separate from the other? Can I be a sturdy respecter of my own needs and feelings as well as his?
5) Am I secure enough within myself to permit him, him separateness? Can I give him freedom to be or do I feel he should follow my advice, remain somewhat dependent on me or become a mold of me?
6) Can I allow myself to enter fully into the world of his feelings, personal meanings and see things as he does?
7) Can I be accepting of each facet of this other person
8) Can I act with sufficient sensitivity in the relationship, that my behaviour won't be seen as a threat?
9) Can I free him from the threat of external evaluation?
10) Can I meet this individual as a person who is in the process of becoming, or will I be bound by his past and my past?

I conclude that if nations follow their past ways, then, because of the speed of world communication of separate views, each society will have to exert more and more coercion to bring about a forced agreement as to what constitutes the real world and its values. Those coerced agreements will differ from nation to nation, from culture to culture. The coercion will destroy individual freedom. We will bring about our own destruction through the clashes caused by different world views.

The individual becomes more openly aware of his own feelings and attitudes as they exist in him at an organic level, in the way I tried to describe. He also becomes more aware of reality as it exists outside of himself, instead of perceiving it in preconceived categories. He sees that not all trees are green, not all men are stern fathers, not all women are rejecting, not all failure experiences prove that he is no good, and the like. He is able to take in the evidence in a new situation, as it is, rather than distorting it to fit a pattern which he already holds. As you might expect, this increasing ability to be open to experience makes him far more realistic in dealing with new people, new situations, new problems. It means that his beliefs are not rigid, that he can tolerate ambiguity. He can receive much conflicting evidence without forcing closure upon the situation. This openness of awareness to what exists at this moment in oneself and in the situation is, I believe, an important element in the description of the person who emerges from therapy.