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"We speak of men and their rage as if it I laudable. "Men just get mad and push each other and it's over", we say. "Women are just bitches; they never let it go." That's because we never can let it go. Because where would we put it? What system? What faith? What institution has room? Has patience? Has understanding for an angry woman?"
Lyz Lenz (born 1982) is an American author and editor. She was previously a columnist at The Cedar Rapids Gazette and served as managing editor of The Rumpus. She is the author of God Land and Belabored. Lenz moved from Vermillion, South Dakota to Minneapolis, Minnesota while in high school and graduated from Eden Prairie High School. She has an undergraduate degree from Gustavus Adolphus College. Lenz belonged to Evangelical churches but came into conflict with their orthodoxies including on the role of women in the church and the exclusion of gay and lesbian people.
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I want to explain to her about work, about how I feel and experience value. I want to tell her how deeply I love my kids and how working isn’t a rejection of them but it’s an embrace of my life and my skills and oh, by the way, why is it the woman’s job anyway? But I can’t reargue the entire first wave of feminism in this church. And if I do, it won’t help. The line has been drawn at values. It’s one word but it means something vastly different to Marilyn than it does to me.
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It’s a very colonizing impulse to look at something — a land, a city, a culture — and instead of seeing what is there, see a barren landscape that needs your new ideas. It’s an American impulse to see a problem and think you can solve it with a little hard work and some bootstraps. It’s a deeply human impulse to look all around you and see a problem but never consider that you might be the actual problem.