Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. - Bill Watterson

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from?
Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears?
Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart - almost as good and a lot cheaper!

I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.

Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.