I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her. - Jon Stewart

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I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her.

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About Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart born Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz 28 November, 1962) is an American actor and comedian. He was also the host of the Emmy-award winning program, The Daily Show, author of Naked Pictures of Famous People and co-author of the New York Times bestseller America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction.

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Additional quotes by Jon Stewart

I carry around, always, a quote by Twain, it-- It just so happens that I am never without it. And it's about ideas, and the quote is: "The radical invents the views. But when he has worn them out the conservative adopts them." And I keep that with me as a reminder that, even for Twain, they're not all fucking gems.

If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American — our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.

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