Most of the time, comedians: we are expected to be the most agile, in terms of how we think and construct our thoughts and our-- what comes out of ou… - Jerry Seinfeld

I was best man at a wedding one time; that was pretty good. Pretty good title, I thought: "best man". I thought it was a bit much! I thought we'd have the groom and a pretty good man. That's more than enough. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

But that’s what marriage is. It’s two people. That’s it. Trying to stay together, without saying the words “I hate you.” Which you are not allowed to say. Don’t say that. You can feel it. That’s okay. Just don’t let it come out. Say something else. Anything. Say, “Why is there never any Scotch tape in this god damn house?” “Scotch” is “I.” “Tape” is “hate.” “House” is “you.” But it’s better. It’s better to say, “You know, no normal human being leaves a bathroom floor that wet.

How did they know that there would be a need for a frosted, fruit-filled, heatable rectangle in the same shape as the box it comes in, and with the same nutrition as the box it comes in?