فكر قبل أن تتكلم، واقرأ قبل أن تفكر - Fran Lebowitz

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.

The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.