I had deluded myself throughout by the idea of reviving a secret love which did not exist at all. - Iris Murdoch

I ate and drank slowly as one should (cook fast, eat slowly) and without distractions such as (thank heavens) conversation or reading. Indeed eating is so pleasant one should even try to suppress thought. Of course reading and thinking are important but, my God, food is important too. How fortunate we are to be food-consuming animals. Every meal should be a treat and one ought to bless every day which brings with it a good digestion and the precious gift of hunger.

Everything in his life now seemed to signal: too late.

He can do anything he likes and I'm so lonely, oh so lonely — And I put up with it because there was nothing else to do —