Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a… - Robin Williams

I want the guy who does Mexican soccer to do golf one time. "The ball is starting...the ball is going to the...HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!" Just to see all those old WASPy motherfuckers go "Oh dear Christ! My God, they're not gardening, they're playing now, oh shit! What the hell are we gonna do?" Because that was their last domain of dominance. It was their area, they were the king, up until...Tiger. Yesss. Son of a black man and a Thai woman, not even a German geneticist could've thought that one up!

They made porn movies, of my movies! Good Will Humping? It's okay... Wet Dreams May Cum? All right... Snatch Adams? That was scary. A clown with a strap-on. Popeye... I would watch that. "Ag-gag-gag-ga, I creamed me spinach!"

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!