Last time the wife was sick I did all the housework. It's child's play once you get used to it. The difficulty, however, is in getting used to it. - Lennie Lower

The coconut is a good, hard-wearing fruit, easy to handle, and amenable to discipline. Cut in half and hollowed out they make serviceable berets for schoolchildren. They make dependable doorstops and are miraculous as a missile. Boiled in their jackets they are delicious. Solomon Islanders climb trees for them. You can get milk out of them without having to get up at three o'clock in the morning and risk being kicked to death in the bails.

A gentleman should not talk to a lady with his hands in his pockets-unless she's his wife, in which case it's unavoidable.

I should never have spoken to that dentist. He looked at me with eyes like a dead cobra and said, "You have two defective bicuspids."Up till then I had always thought that a bicuspid was a two-handled spitoon or cuspidor, as we say in the States."You should have them attended to," he went on. "I might be able to save the right molar for you, but the one on the left will have to come out, I'm afraid.""You're afraid!" I said. "It's me that's afraid."