We cannot change what we are unaware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change. - Sheryl Sandberg

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.

As Gloria Steinem observed, “Whoever has power takes over the noun — and the norm — while the less powerful get an adjective.”1 Since no one wants to be perceived as less powerful, a lot of women reject the gender identification and insist, “I don’t see myself as a woman; I see myself as a novelist/​athlete/​professional/​fill-in-the-blank.” They are right to do so. No one wants her achievements modified. We all just want to be the noun.

We find our humanity — our will to live and our ability to love — in our connections to one another.