One person I do feel a little sorry for, though, is the Archbishop of Canterbury, the most important clergyman in Britain and he's only got two lousy… - Pat Condell

The @guardian thinks it’s OK to facilitate an illegal invasion of Europe by hordes of violent fighting age third world savages. Every one of those NGO boats should be at the bottom of the Mediterranean.

In fact, since I said in a previous video that I'd rather go to Hell than be a Christian, I've been contacted by several people urging me to recant those foolish words and repent before it's too late. Hell is real, they tell me, Satan is real. And they say it with such conviction you just know they've got the information from some kind of infallible authority. Luckily, however, I'm quite looking forward to going to Hell. I've heard so much about the place it almost seems like a home away from home to me now. I understand it's likely to be warmer than I'm used to, which surprises me, as life is warm and death is cold, so, if anything, you would expect Hell to be on the chilly side, but apparently it isn't, according to those who know. I am very grateful that so many experts have testified to the definite existence of Hell for my benefit. It's a real weight off my mind. I was beginning to worry that the idea of Hell might be just a cynical ploy to intimidate weak-minded gullible people into submitting to religious fascism. How comforting to know that it's real, and that there really is everything to fear after death. Thank God for Satan. What would you Christians do without him? So before we denigrate poor old Satan too much, I know he's everybody's favourite bad guy and everything, the lord of misrule and all that, but the next time you're down on your knees praying like an idiot you might want to think about offering a prayer of thanks to the big guy downstairs, because without him in his essential role of universal bogeyman, none of this delusional nonsense of yours would even be possible. so, in that sense, Satan is your saviour, not Jesus. What can I say? Them's the breaks. Peace.

The biggest hate crime against Muslims in America is the existence of the Council on American-Islamic Relations. If you're a Muslim American who wants to live in peace and freedom — and, presumably, that's why you're in America in the first place — these people are your worst enemy. They're parasites on your identity. They don't represent you — they claim ownership of you. Everything they do and say reflects back, badly, on you. Yet you are the only thing giving them a veneer of respectability. Without you, these fanatics would be standing on street corners shouting at people. They invoke the phony lie of Islamophobia in order to marginalize and ghettoize you and to make you feel like a victim, because their whole existence depends on you being a victim. They claim to challenge the stereotyping of Muslims — and how do they do it? By stereotyping Muslims as professional complainers and malcontents who always want special treatment; who can't take the slightest criticism; and who are aggressively litigious to the point of obsession. These people are the problem. They're not the solution.