The DeBeers people are almost saying what they really mean. You remember the old DeBeers slogan, "Diamonds are forever." Then they changed it to "Thi… - Ron White

They evacuated everybody from the (Florida) Keys and everybody leaves except for one guy who’s gonna stay there and tie himself to a tree on the beach, to prove a point; and the point was, he said, that at 53 years of age, he was in good enough physical condition to withstand the wind and the rain of a force 3 hurricane. OK, let me explain something to ya: it isn’t that the wind is blowin’. It’s what the wind is blowin’. If you get hit with a Volvo, it doesn’t really matter how many sit-ups you did that morning. If you have a "Yield" sign in your spleen, joggin' don't really come into play. "I can run 25 miles without stopping." "You're bleedin'." "Shit!"

I got 2 Scottish terriers, because if you drink enough Johnny Walker products, eventually they'll just send you the dogs. And we got another 200 head of Scotties on a little ranch in Wyoming. We got little monkey cowboys in hats and vests, riding Shetland ponies, with little toy guns...one of them's the sheriff. Cutest thing you ever saw. No, but I do have 2 little Scottish terriers and their names are Birdy and Bogey, and someone said to me, "Oh, that's cute, they're named after your golf game." I said, "No, if they were named after MY golf game, they'd be called Double Bogey and Where The Fuck Is That Ball Going?, which is kind of a long name for a pet.

I found out yesterday there really is a place called Bumfuck, Egypt. And the only way to get there is to go up Shit Creek.