Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people… - Jeff Foxworthy

[telling a "You Might Be a Redneck" joke] If your family tree does not fork.... I can see some couples here don't like that. "That ain't funny, is it, sis?"

I've often said working with Larry is a lot like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.

[Talking about "The First Singles Apartment"] They're all furnished pretty much the same way. In your bedroom, you have the mattress on the floor, protected by a mountain of dirty clothes, milk crates for night stands, lava lamp with a permanent glob in the bottom, stolen road sign on the wall, a blanket for a curtain. Out in the hall it was the mystery stain on the carpet, Budwiser mirror on the wall. Out on the balcony it was the rusted-out Hibachi grill, plant with no leaves on it, bike with no chain on it. In the den you had the spool. If you get one of those, you'll be like "it's coffee table time!" Next to that, the $9,000.00 stereo. We're going hungry, but we've got tunes! That was the stereo, you could turn it on after midnight and make the people down the street wet the bed. And the beanbag chair with duct tape on it to keep the stuff from fallin' out of it.