... Why don't you put this beer out in the sun to get cool? If it was any flatter you'd have to serve it on a plate. - Lennie Lower

Do I know anything about golf! My boy, I was playing golf when St Andrew's links had only one hole, and there was only two of us that played the game-me and St Andrew. I had to give up playing with him after he'd been made a saint, because he started ringing in miracles on me."In those days we used rough, three-cornered or square balls stuffed with haggis or some other non-detonating material ..."

People have asked me which was the better-poultry farming or dairy farming.Well, you've got to milk a cow, but a hen does her own egging.Mind you, there's a lot to be said for dairy farming. A lot of farmers say it, too. I don't blame them much, although I never did approve of bad language.

The careful hostess will see that the jam is tastefully displayed. A little crepe paper around the tins will easily fix this.