When you're married, you are a part of a vast decision making body. Before anything is accomplished, there's got to be meetings, committees have to s… - Jerry Seinfeld

The only line I quote from [Seinfeld] [...] is "If you're one of us, you'll take a bite." [...] Sometimes I'll quote Newman in flames screaming "Oh the humanity."

Remember when you were in school and they'd do those hearing tests? [...] I wanted to do unbelievable on the hearing test. I wanted them to come over to me and go, "We think you may have something close to super-hearing. What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt. We're sending the results to Washington, we'd like you to meet the President."

I want my comedy to be the things nobody else talks about. Not necessarily things people don't want to talk about, but just things that everybody else missed.