A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. - Jerry Seinfeld

Grandpa, you mean when you were a kid, no dogs could vote?” “That’s right, Jimmy. They had no say in the world at all. They were just pets.” “Woww…

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

The other day I was watching women in a department store looking at clothes, and I noticed women don't try on the clothes, they get behind the clothes. They take a dress off the rack and hold it up against themselves. [...] They stick one leg way out and kind of lean back. I guess they need to know, "If someday I'm one-legged at a forty-five-degree angle, what am I going to wear?"