[responding to scattered audience applause] Ah, lovely: the ripple, the ripple there. That's nearly the Zen clap of acceptance there, wasn't it? - Bill Bailey

I stole some pins from the noticeboard And pressed them into my hand And they spelled 'why?' Why did they spell 'why'? Because there weren't enough pins for 'oblivion'.

There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.

Not a very well-known fact, but on planes they always carry a trombone just in case there's a disaster and they need to keep morale up. All cabin crew - fully proficient in the trombone. And of course there's a double facility: if you ditch at sea, it can be used as a snorkel.