King Lear: What is your name? Kent / Caius: Caius. King Lear: And whence do you hale? Kent / Caius: From Bonking, Sire. King Lear: Well, yes, lad as … - Christopher Moore

I fink I gots deaf on me willie.

King Lear: How hath my fool offended?
Regan: He hath shagged me roughly, against my will, and finished too soon.
King Lear: By force- Pocket? He isn't eight-stone on a feast day- he couldn't shag a cat by force.
Pocket: That's not true, sire. If the cat is distracted with a trout, then - well, uh, never mind.

Pocket: Do you know that there's no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent?
Kent: Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves.
Pocket: Well, that's a scratchy spot of cat wank. But bloody well said.