The reason we'd stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of… - Bill Bailey

There’s this one celebrity, Rosie O’Donnell, a talk show host, and she said this: “I don’t know anything about Afghanistan, but I know it’s full of terrorists, speaking as a mother.” So what is this "speaking as a mother" then? Is that a euphemism for "talking out of my arse"? "Suspending rational thought for a moment"? As a rational human being, Al-Qaeda are a loose association of psychopathic zealots who could be rounded up with a sustained police investigation. But speaking as a parent, they’re all eight foot tall, they’ve got lasers under their moustaches, a huge eye in their foreheads and the only way to kill them is to NUKE every country that hasn’t sent us a Christmas card in the the last 20 years!! "Speaking as a mother".

You get somebody to explain the Trinity to you, they'll say "Well God, he's God, and Jesus is God as well, and the Holy Spirit is...[mumbles indistinctly]". "What?" "He's the fecund spirit of the Lord who impregnates Mary, then gets a bit up himself and is reduced to light clerical duties?" Let's examine that in joke form: three male divine natures go into a cosmic essence, giving and receiving love, but not in a gay bishop way, to which the whole of Islam goes "Wha?"; Hinduism: "Nah!"; or Buddhism: "Ssh!".

C'est lui, dans la nuit- Docteur Qui</br>Il voyage dans le Tardis. La boite de telephone fantastique d'espace!</br>L'interieur est beaucoup plus grand que l'exterieur</br>Et ça, c'est le mystere de Docteur Qui</br>L'enemie, il s'appele Davros, le capitain des Daleks</br>Il est demi-Dalek et demi-homme- incroyable!</br>Il veut contrôler le monde, toujours contrôler le monde</br>Il se leve le matin, il veut contrôler le monde!</br>Apres le petit-dejeuner, il veut contrôler le monde!</br>Mais il ne contrôle le monde jamais! Ce n'est pas tres realistique</br>Avec les Daleks, le Docteur est superieur.</br>"Exterminez-vous! Exterminez-vous encore! Ah, zut alors! Nous sommes perdus!"</br>Le docteur gagne, il rit 'Ha, ha, ha- j'ai gagné parce que je suis Docteur Qui