Never in the history of niggadom... - Katt Williams

[Referring to marijuana dealers] Just soon they see you, just, "Nigga, nigga, nigga...nigga. You remember that shit I gave you last week, nigga? It's nothing, nigga. It's nothing. It's nothing, nigga. Nigga, it's nothing. This shit right here, nigga! This shit right here, nigga! Right here, this shit, nigga! This shit here, nigga!" Always has some fucked up name. "It's kryptachronicunnalite, nigga!" Always has some fucked up ass name. "Nigga, this shit here, nigga. This shit here, nigga. This shit's called Deaf, nigga." You be like, "Nigga, that don't even sound attractive. What the...You mean I'm gonna hit it and die, nigga? Is that what..." "No nigga, not Death, nigga, Deaf. You hit this shit twice, nigga, you can't hear shit!"

My favorite show for two years in a motherfucking row is still motherfucking "Swamp People". That is my shit! Oh, my God! If you have not seen this shit, you have not lived yet! It's some beautiful shit! I think I just like seeing minor... rednecks in their natural environment, not killing minorities. I think that's what it is. I love this shit. I watch every episode, but I don't know why, because every episode is exactly... [audience yells; "the same!"] ...like the last goddamn episode. They don't change shit. Every episode start with a man in a boat going nowhere fast as shit. He just... And he's saying some shit you can't fucking understand. And then you accidentally understand some of the shit, and it scares the shit out of you. He just... "We got to go out there and get him, boy. We got to go out there and get him, boy. We don't go out there and get him, he ain't going to get hisself." "Nah, I guess he ain't going to get hisself. I guess that makes perfectly good sense." And these white men get out there in that swamp, and they are catching 700-, 800-pound alligators. And that's not the part, minorities. They are catching these alligators with their hands! That's right. Look at the niggas. Don't even believe me. With their real hands. Not a weapon. Not a stick. None of that. Stick their real hands in the water to get the alligator. Black people is at the house, like, "Don't stick your hand in there! There's an alligator in that son of a bitch." But when you see... you see that white man reach up out that motherfucking boat, grab that motherfucking alligator line, the whole show, just... [repeatedly] "shoot him, Billy Bob, shoot him! Shoot..." Then the whole show just flips. Now they showing it from underwater, and it's muddy and bubbling and shit, like the alligator has a camera on his head. And he's in the show too. And then they cut to commercial.

We got our soldiers fighting gangsta niggas. Them terrorists is gangsta. How the fuck you gonna scare somebody that wanna die? Like: "I'll kill your mothafuckin ass." "Thank you very much." What the fuck? Ask any nigga who ever fought a crackhead. I don't give a fuck how good you think you can fight. You cannot beat a crackhead, nigga, you...[hits self with microphone, imitating a crackhead falling, gets right back up immediately] Crackheads wobble, but they don't fall down. Them mothafuckas'll fight you all night for $11.