Polly: Question is whether you hate the coach party because they're like the dogs or hate the dogs because they're like the coach party. - Alan Bennett

George: That flaming dog has messed on our steps again. It's the one species I wouldn't mind seeing disappear from the face of the earth. I wish they were like the White Rhino—six of them left in the Serengeti National Park, and all males. Do you know what dogs are? They're those beer-sodden soccer fans piling out of coaches in a lay-by, yanking their cocks out without a blush and pissing up against the wall thirty-nine in a row. I can't stand it.

Brian (asked how he feels about being a politician): Passes the time. Fills in that awkward gap between the cradle and the grave.

Lady Dundown: How can the Zulu expect to be treated as civilized people if they declare war in the middle of the season!