two piss holes in the snow. - Steven Wright

I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.