It's a mistake to read. Television is the only way. - Conan O'Brien

If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting on a rock, jumping up like a frog, coming up with weird concepts and ideas, making faces, and combing his hair into a giant pastry.' It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.

I endeavor to always remind myself that I have done absolutely nothing alone. Walt Whitman wrote 'I contain multitudes.' Well, I contain a breakfast sandwich and a nice coffee from Tatte. But whatever I have achieved has been with the help of an infinitely packed clown car of multitudes.

I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.