I like to hold a monologue with women. But a dialogue with myself is more stimulating. - Karl Kraus

War is at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that the other fellow isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off.

What is the Ninth Symphony compared to a Tin Pan Alley hit played on a hurdy-gurdy and a memory?

How unreliable is the woman caught being faithful! Today she is faithful to you, tomorrow to another.