I think that gay people should have the right to get married by Elvis like everybody else. - Margaret Cho

Swept up in a grand illusion that I might be able to eat, have a roof over my head, own some pretty dresses and realize, in a vastly heady way, that I could make a living doing my art, which was the only dream I ever had, what could I say but "Yes, where do I sign?"

Most conservatives also believe in the death penalty, but not abortion, which proves they like to procrastinate.

We were taping the episodes of the show. I guess they had decided they could now fit my face onto a TV screen, and they wouldn't have to letterbox it.