Now my sister's daughter, Elizabeth May Is going to get married next Sunday, they say Now what will I buy her? She's such a nice girl. I think a pian… - Stanley Holloway

And yet I don't know. And yet I don't know! The handkerchiefs that cost me three shillings or so - And that seems a lot for poor Uncle John And anything goes to blow noses on. <p> Talking of noses, hers is red enough. I know what I'll buy her. A nice powder puff. <p> Now she can't powder her nose with a grand piano. Nor yet with a sewing machine. She can't powder her nose with an Ingersoll watch - Well that's silly, you know what I mean. She can't powder her nose with a jumper. She'll find that a little bit rough. So I'll pop round to Woolworth's tomorrow, God bless her And buy her a nice powder puff. <p> And yet I don't know. And yet I don't know! Sixpence ha'pennies aren't found in back yards. I'll not buy her a powder puff at all - no. I'll just send her my kindest regards.

And yet I don't know. And yet I don't know! The sewing machine that cost me twenty guineas or so. And that would buy plenty of linen and thread And things that are hand-made are best, so it's said. It's not that I'm mingy - although I'm half Scotch. I know what I'll buy her. A Ingersoll watch.

I've been very poorly but now I feel prime, I've been out today for the very first time. I felt like a lad as I walked down the road, Then I met Old Jones and he said, "Well I'm blowed! My word you do look queer! My word you do look queer! Oh, dear! You look dreadful: you've had a near shave, You look like a man with one foot in the grave." I said, "Bosh! l'm better; it's true I've been ill." He said, "I'm delighted you're better, but still, I wish you'd a thousand for me in your will. My word, you do look queer!"